On Buying New Pants

A few weeks ago, my cousin Miriam and I were shopping. I pushed Luca in the stroller as we walked into a store, making our way past a rack of multi-colored shirts, a wall of spring scarves, a table of perfectly folded patterned pants.

I don’t remember what we were talking about, if I pulled out a shirt to get a better look, or if she checked the size of something. Though that probably happened.

Here’s the part I do remember though. She said, offhand: “Well, I have to either lose a little or just buy new pants.” It was just a sentence, just thrown out there in between looking at one thing and the other, in between making sure the stroller didn’t get stuck in the small aisle and Luca wasn’t wandering off somewhere.

It was simple and straightforward, not earth-shattering, not something that hasn’t ever been said. And yet.

And yet, I went home and wrote it down. And yet, I could sit here and write paragraphs and paragraphs about it. About how it’s not really that simple, no. About how so many other things get in the way. Preconceived notions and ideas about size and self worth and the various stages of life.

I could talk about that time in college, when I stopped eating “acidic” food (I’m rolling my eyes too, don’t worry) and stuck to canned peas and lots and lots of broccoli. Or that time, right before my wedding, when I went to kickboxing three days a week and could do lots of push-ups in a row. Or now, when life invariably gets in the way but when going to a boxing class feels good in a way that has nothing to do with food or scales or fancy workout gear.

It feels good because it makes me feel strong at a time when most things don’t.

When the “balance” of it all, if we want to use that awful, loaded word, sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t. When each day feels like a negotiation between who you are and who you want to be.

Sometimes (most times?) I forget how simple it really can be.

…or just buy new pants.

Because that’s the thing, isn’t it? That it’s not really about losing weight or looking a certain way or doing a certain thing. Or being able to say you do a certain thing. That there are seasons of life when you throw your hands up and you say, maybe it’s just time to buy new pants. To stop fighting it all and wishing so hard and just accept it. The new vision, the new way. Maybe it’s the same premise, even, but a new approach in getting there. A new road.

Just buy the damn new pants.

Pants come in bigger sizes for a reason, anyway.

[Photo via unsplash]