Eight and Nine Months

I'm super far behind on these, but want to keep posting so I have them at the end of a year. 

At 8 and 9 months, Luca: 

• Weighs 18 lbs, 6 oz, as of his 9 month check-up
• Measures in at about 28 inches 
• Is crawling, everywhere. I was looking at a video and realized that over the month of July he went from really just dragging himself to full out, stomach off the floor crawling.
• Can pull himself up on chairs, the coffee tablw, his crib—basically anywhere he can get his hands on
• Will  “walk” from one side of the crib to the other. The most fun is watching him actually trying to figure out if it’s something he can master. He doesn’t just jump in and try – he looks, weighs his options, sometimes he’ll put his hand out to test it out, and then if he thinks he can make, he goes for it. I love watching his mind work, and imagining if this will be a personality trait he’ll have.
• Opens the lower kitchen cabinets. The other day I let him sit there and open the cabinets on the small island in the kitchen, while I washed some of his bottles. A few minutes later all the mats and bags and everything else was on the floor, but it’s all just exploration, right?
• Wants to eat everything. It’s gotten to the point now where if he sees us eating anything—I'm talking, a granola bar after work anything—he wants something too. 
• And he’s a good eater. Right now his rotation includes: scrambled eggs, yogurt, pasta, meatballs, guacamole, watermelon, peaches, hummus. And then he’ll have basically any of the jars or pouches that we give him. 
• Started to pick up his puffs on his own. 
• Has become slightly more difficult to take to restaurants. We still do it, and it’s not that bad, but now he’d rather be in our arms instead of sitting in one of the high chairs. We’ve finally realized he basically just needs to eat at the same time that we’re eating and it’ll all be fine. #learning
• Went to the pool for the first time and loved it.

At 8 and 9 months, I:

• Am feeling like myself again—for real this time. I know I’ve been saying it since the beginning and maybe that’s what this whole post-partum mess is all about. Slowly feeling like yourself, day by day. At least that's how it's been for me. The emotional side of pregnancy hit me hard and, honestly, it was the part I didn’t except. I was ready for nausea and the tired-ness for the back pain and not being able to see my toes for awhile. But while I thought some emotion would be normal, I just thought it would be a happy, awe-struck time of watching my body change and grow this person. It was like that maybe 1/10^th of the time. Sure, I liked the way my body looked and I was in awe of the fact that my body was literally housing another heartbeat. But my emotions were all over the place. I felt like a different person. And now, now I don’t so much.
• I went back to a kickboxing class and finally joined a studio. I have 3 personal training sessions and classes at two separate studios whenever I want.
• Had some hot yoga classes that I needed to take and I loved it. Like, I would do it every day if I could. But realistically, they’re $27 a class and even if I were to get an entire year membership, it doesn’t feel that worth it at the moment. But if you’re looking for a class, I highly recommend Yoga Spark in Mamaroneck. So so good.
• Am learning to take care of myself. You always hear it right? It takes a village, you need a break sometimes. It’s ok to rely on other people. And I do: I mean, I rely on my family every day to watch the baby. But I’m also realizing that sometimes I need a time out and that’s ok too.
• Am super excited for our beach vacation in a couple weeks. We rented a house on Cape Cod and we’re going to have various members of our family up on different days and I really can't wait to just have an entire week together. 
• Since I have been feeling “back to normal,” I’ve also been back to my normal self. Trying to pack as much stuff as I can into a short period of time. It’s the wanting to do the yoga classes and the everything else. And I’m realizing I have to be choosy about what I want to add, and that really, it also means I have to subtract sometimes.

Interesting and Inspiring

I used to do a version of this in the very beginning. (I still use those stamps, actually) So in the spirit of sticking to the theme, I'm going to steal and slightly revise the line I wrote back then.


Here, a rotating roster of interesting and inspiring reads and finds and thoughts: 

I love the idea of admitting to ourselves the things that we don't like or that don't define us, instead of always sticking to the things we think we are.

Last week I kept thinking about how to incorporate things into my life—gym, cooking more, etc. etc., on and on. Leo at Zen Habits comes through with some awesome tips on how to actually do that.  

Being able to do a handstand is on my bucket list. (Are we still calling them life lists?) Here are some ways to actually get there.

I’ve been using Cetaphil since college, but this has seriously made me rethink it.

If you love reality shows, like I know you do, you should really take this quiz. I belong on The Hills, naturally.

Even if you’re not about to start your own business, what these smart women have to say on work-life balance and being an entrepreneur is inspiring. 

Speaking of, a few of my closest friends also had babies this year, and we’re endlessly talking/emailing/whats app-ing about working and life and balance and choices and how to figure it all out. My friend Melissa, an nurse practitioner who works in labor and delivery at a big hospital, had this to say and it was so straightforward and spot on, that I wanted to share:

"Working with young mothers, mothers of teenagers, and grandmothers has given me perspective. The advice I received from each group of women based on the wisdom they had gained, had an important underlying theme: Whether you choose to work full time, part time or stay at home, you have to be okay with that decision and also know it is not permanent. You can love your career and be a mother. How you do it, regardless, is inspiring. Every one of the women I spoke to said there is an adjustment and you have to be willing to change over time."

It’s so simple, really, but sometimes those are the things that we need to hear.

full days and sleepless nights

I wrote this a few days ago, but I wanted to post it now because so many of these things are still going through my mind:

We are on day two of no sleep here. But the lack of sleep has little to do with the teething baby crawling all over the floor, but with me. With me and all my lists and plans and must-dos. It's a crash course in overstimulation over here.

This is not a new phenomenon. It's not like that scene in that Sarah Jessica Parker movie about having it all where she scribbles out lists about bake sales and car pools because she's the, ugh, the mom. This is me and this has always been me.

  

I will not say that i regret any of it. These full, full days where we go from work to park to laundry and dishes and vacuuming to meeting with friends to dinners out. Where we do and experience summer in the best possible way. BBQs and amusement parks, days off to go to the zoo and first times in the pool. These are the days I wanted. I am ok with this, really.

But then. Oh, but then. The reality of it all comes crashing down and I've got a sore throat that morphs into sneezes and coughs and a day curled up on the couch binge watching an ABC Family show because you'll never get this girl to stop watching dramas meant for teenagers.

And even as I’m in that, I’m back at it. Wanting to set up a regular workout schedule, to get on this meal planning bandwagon, to change out the two completely mismatched chairs in the living room to something that actually, well, matches. To get in a date night, to read more books, to freeze the bananas I insist on buying even though they always go bad.

I know it can only be one thing that at a time. But how do you decide what the first addition will be? How do you figure what, if anything, you’ll cut out? Do you prioritize people over things? Things over time to yourself? Time to yourself over whatever else is left?

I do it to myself, I know. And I maybe I wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t think I’d have it any other way.

As usual, I don’t know what the solution is. What the right answer is. It’s balance, probably. It always is. Leaning on others, as I’ve come to realize, is essential. So is accepting what you can do with what you’ve got right now.

And this is the life I'm choosing right now. It'll change one day, that much I know. Maybe I'll miss it. Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll just look back at think, damn you were lucky.

[photo via unsplash] 

early morning drop-off

There is a daycare downstairs from my office. My son doesn’t go there, though we originally thought he would. My mom and mother-in-law generously split their week watching him instead. This is what works best for us now.

But every morning, when I get to work, there are lots of moms dropping off their kids. Some moms in put-together outfits, heels and dress pants and badges dangling from their necks or their belts. Other moms in yoga pants, likely working from home, sitting in front of a computer all day, getting up only to drop laundry in the dryer or put dishes away before a conference call.

We make eye contact and smile as I walk past them and into the building. I see them opening car doors and unbuckling car seats, pulling out big strollers and small, brightly colored backpacks. Their kids are 6 months or 2 years or 5 years old. Their kids, even in the rush of morning, seem happy. I watch toddlers climb wide-set steps, wanting to do it on their own. I watch pre-schoolers calling out to friends. The moms are in a hurry, but not hurried. Efficient, but not frazzled.

They probably don’t know that I have a baby at home. They probably don’t know how much it means to me to see them every morning.

There’s so much written about how heart wrenching it is to go back to work after having a baby. About how tough it can be, how much crying is involved. And it was, and there is. It took me months to feel ok, though that oversimplifies it. Every day was not tough. Every day was not sad. It’s only in looking back, now that I’ve gotten to a different place, that it seems rough. It’s only in having let go of that guilt I was holding on to that it all feels ok.

But make no mistake: there is still guilt. It’s wrapped up in timing and traditional schedules and a changing workplace, for sure. It’s still hard, and from what people tell me, there will always be a split—a wanting to be here and there at the same time.

There is so much written about what it’s like to stay home or go to work. What the right decision is and how to make the best choice for your family, for your life, for your season. I don’t know what the right answer is.

But I do know that walking past that daycare in the morning makes things easier for me. It may only be two minutes and I may not know any of those women by name, but they make me feel better, they make me feel in-this-together. They make me feel that happy kids will be happy kids no matter where their mothers spend their days.

[photo via unsplash]

Seven Months

At 7 months, Luca: 

• Weighs closer to 16 pounds, I’m guessing, I’m hoping?
• Eats 3 "meals" a day: oatmeal in the morning, fruit at lunch and veggies at dinner. With all the usual bottles, too.
• Hates rice and lentils. We've found the food he won't eat—it gets spit out and then he basically refuses to open his mouth again. 
• Has been sleeping well in the crib, wrapped in his sleep sack. He still isn’t rolling from back to front, but he has started sleeping on his side. It’s the cutest.
• Looks like he may be starting to want to crawl? He sticks his butt in the air and face plants, then inch worms just the slightest bit.
• Makes a “bye bye” move with his hand 
• Definitely knows his name
• Is still quick to smile
• But at the same time, does this thing where he’ll put his head down and into your shoulder as if he’s acting shy
• Went on the swings at the park across the street for the first time a couple of weeks ago. It really makes me look forward to the summer. 
• Went to his first wedding, when my brother got married over Memorial Day weekend. He hung with the groomsmen while they got ready, was dressed up in a bow tie and dress pants (that he spit up all over two seconds after I changed him), and was a total ham when we were introduced at the reception. At 9pm he fell asleep in his stroller. And here I was worried that the DJ would be too loud. 
• Spent his first—and second—nights with my parents. The first was after my brother's wedding and the second was this past weekend when we had another cousin’s wedding. 

At 7 months, I: 

• Am going with jars. Sure, I can puree some avocados, but the rest are coming from Earth’s Best and you know what? I am totally ok with this. Our lifestyle right now is busy, on the go, always something. And this fits.
• My brother’s wedding was amazing, so fun. We danced and cried and laughed and it was just the best weekend. Sometimes it’s hard to write about these things: they're obviously fun and the words become trite, but oh it was good.
• Am so lucky that my parents are up for watching Luca overnight. At my brother’s wedding they kept him in their room so that John and I could go to the after party. (We bowed out of the after, after party though), and then they watched him again when we went to our cousin Juliet’s wedding this past weekend. It was good to sleep in—even if it was just till 8—and hang out with friends. 
• Was on vacation the entire last week of May. Between all the stuff going on, plus family from Canada and Italy in, it was the best decision ever. I was finally able to reorganize Luca's closet, hang with him on the grass, go for walks, but then also walk around Madison Square Park with my cousin, go out to dinners, have people over and do some shopping.
• Am learning, though, on the flip side, that even if I do well when I'm busy, I really need some down time too. I used to be able to run around for hours, going from store to store, place to place and I just can't anymore. I have to make decisions faster and smarter, and sometimes that’ll mean spending a little more for convenience's sake and other time’s it’ll mean not getting the exact thing I want, and I have to keep telling myself that that's ok.
• Realizing that sometimes the things you read are oddly accurate. I was never really worried that my relationship with John would change after we had a baby, even though that's what all the books say. And I'm still not worried that it's changed for the worse—if anything, honestly, there are times when it's better than before. But it has changed and it definitely takes more effort to keep things on track and more thinking ahead to remember that hey, we need time for us too. Sometimes I feel like these realizations are so obvious, so everyone-has-them. Maybe they do. And maybe it's just fine to have them in your own time and in your own experience. 

Six Months

I can say, without overstating too much, that April and May were crazy. It started with hosting Easter and went through two bridal showers, a bachelorette brunch, a few regular brunches, a wine tasting weekend, a communion, work events, lots of last minute shopping trips, a rehearsal dinner, and finally, three weddings in two weeks. It was totally exhausting and totally worth it.

We've been on the go so much, but Luca has been rolling with it and I'm so grateful for that. So while we did take this photo back in April when he actually turned 6 months, I didn’t get a chance to sit down and write about it until now. Better late than never and all that. 

At 6 months, Luca: 

• Weighs in at about 15.5 lbs, which is definitely less than I thought. He's now in the 15th percentile for weight (or at least, he was as of his 6-month check-up). His pediatrician thinks he'll bulk up once he gets more solid foods, so we're not too concerned. 
• Is now eating solids twice a day, oatmeal in the morning and veggies/fruit at night 
• Seems to like every food we give him. Avocados (his first), sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, pears, apples, and on and on. 
• Wears 9-month clothes, though he'll still squeeze into the 6 month size in pants 
• Smiles whenever we put the phone in his face to take a picture. I'm exaggerating, but he is a ham for sure. 
• Loves Whiskey il Ragnetto and Il Coccodrillo Come Fa?, two Italian nursery rhymes we started listening to 
• Spends lots of time on his colorful play mat, surrounded by all his toys 
• Can turn himself in a 360-degree circle, but is totally not interested in turning from back to front 
• Sleeps in his crib. Our bedtime routine right now is book, songs, bed. It's working. (At the moment.) 

     At 6 months, I: 

• Spent my first weekend away from Luca, when we went wine tasting for Karen’s bachelorette party. There was a moment when we were at some dive bar, late on a Saturday night and I was drinking something and dancing to something and thought: yes, this is me too.
• Felt so busy, making lots of lists and figuring what was best to do first and second and last. It was the best kind of busy, but there were a few moments in there when it was just too much. 

Five Months

At 5 months, Luca:

• Weighs (I’m guessing) about 16 lbs. We don’t have a doctor’s appointment until the first week of May, so we won’t officially find out until then.  
• Took his first plane ride. We went to Florida a couple of weeks ago, and, aside from a major diaper blowout on the way there (that required a complete outfit change) he was a champ.
• Put his feet in sand and in the ocean for the first time. And, much more generally, was in warm weather for the first time. The kid loved every second of it.
• Has started eating solids. On his 5-month birthday we gave him some oatmeal. It’s been about a week and we haven’t ventured on to anything new yet, but I think avocados are up next.
• Is all about the toys. He’ll reach out and grab for them—and it’s sweet to see him touching and exploring them. Mostly, they wind up in his mouth. His current favorite though, is a makes-all-kinds-of-sounds guitar that my parents got him.
• Is still quick to laugh and smile
• Seems to thrive when other people are around.
• Is still getting a mix of breastmilk and formula.
•  Chews everything in sight. He’ll grab on to your fingers, knuckles, arm, shoulder and basically never let go.
• Is into tummy time now. He can bring himself up on his arms, with his head up, and while he doesn’t roll from back to front just yet, it’s seems to be coming along.
• Has started to take a bit of a longer nap in the afternoon. At one point a few weeks ago, I emailed two of my friends at 4 a.m. wanting to know their exact nap schedules because I just don’t understand it at all. We’re just going with the flow now.
• Can recognize his name? I don’t know if it’s his name or if it’s just us calling him.
• Is still sleeping in the pack and play. One of these days…

At 5 months, I:

• Loved being on vacation. Obviously, doesn’t everyone? But there’s that thing, with vacation, where you swear to yourself that you’ll go home and do it all differently. You won’t care as much about little things. You won’t let certain things bother you anymore. You’ll look at time differently. And in reality, it all usually goes back to the way it was, but that refresh? It’s needed. And with this vacation, we were so much more laid back–no real plans other than beach and pool and eating.
• Am struggling a lot with feelings of guilt. I can distinctly remember about a month or so after Luca was born and thinking, “oh I won’t let myself feel guilty.”  And then. Sometimes it feels like a constant, tiring, back and forth: if I do this, then I can do that. If I can make it to X, then Y. If things were like this, then I would be ok with that. Maybe everyone feels this way? I read this though, and felt a little better.
• Am so thankful to be surrounded by friends with babies and toddlers. It’s so comforting. So nice.
• Can’t believe we actually pulled off our first holiday at the house. We had close to 20 people over for Easter—everyone brought tons of food and dessert and we’re still eating leftovers almost a week later.
• That whole takes a village thing? Totally true. You know it, I know it. But I realized it even more this weekend, and I just feel really grateful. I also, going back to my earlier point, refuse to feel guilty about it.
• Am starting to let go of certain things. I used to get really hung up on the fact that I was “supposed” to cook every night and would totally get down on myself for not having some Pinterest-worthy meal on a random Wednesday night. What works for us now, in April 2015, is to have John cook a quick, simple dinner while I feed the baby. Then, we eat together. That may change some day, but for now, it’s what works best and I feel lighter having let go of those old expectations.